My Thoughts on: Siri

I am new to the iPhone world.  I was a die hard Droid girl for years, but when the new model came out, and it was about the same size as the Girl Child's Kindle, I thought it may be time to explore other options.  After about two months of back and forth on different phones (I take my phone purchases VERY seriously), I decided to go ahead and finally, FINALLY drink the Apple-flavored Kool-Aid.

Let me just stop and point out that the Fall of Man back in the day was caused by an apple. Now Applephiles, stand down!  I'm not calling either of those Mac dudes the anti-Christ or anything.  But given the fact that when that sweet day of Rapture finally comes, 84% the world will likely be clutching an Apple product in their humbled hands, I'm just saying, it's quite a coincidence that the Beginning and the End have that particular piece of fruit in common.  Mmmm hmmm. You can talk amongst yourselves about that one when you're done reading my post.

So when I got my iPhone, like most of you, I didn't download the 572 page instruction manual.  Instead, I just poked at the phone, bugged my friends who already have iPhones and Googled and muddled my way through the set up and features.  That's how I met Siri. 

If you're among the 16% of the people in the world who don't own some sort of handheld Apple product, according to the manufacturer, Siri is supposed to be the magical person with all of the answers who manages your life.  Now according to MY manufacturer, that person is my Heavenly Father, and it becomes apparent very quickly that Siri falls even more woefully short than the rest of us when compared to the Almighty.

We'll start with the fact that, despite sounding like a woman, Siri is actually a man.  How do I know this?  Ask "her" the question, "Where is the closest shoe store to me?", and "she" responds with the name of a orthopedic shoe store and asks you if you want "her" to "search the web" for more places.  Really, why bother?  I will pull on a pair of wool socks, slip into my Birkenstocks, throw my rain bonnet and Feen-A-Mint into my pocketbook and walk around until I find another one. 

And I love how Siri "personalizes" your experience by throwing in your name at the end of whatever "she" says.  If "she" knew me at all, "she" would, never, ever, EVAH put "orthopedic", "shoes" and "Deborah" in the same sentence.  *full body shudder* 

Yes, I get the fact that even I will someday get old and frail, and walking around in 5" heels will put me at serious risk for a broken hip.  That's what my blinged out Jazzy will be for Honey!!  I may not be able to stand in my stilletos when I'm eighty, but I sure can ride around in them.  *sparkle snap*

On the other hand, if I ask Siri, "When is the next men's basketball game for Harvard University?", not only does "she" pop right back up with the answer, it's in a cool little graphic with stats and a direct link to more information.  Woman, my behind.

Moving on to Siri's abilities to transpose what I say to her(him) into a text or an email.  Let me preface this by saying that I am not a drinker, and I am from the midwestern United States.  Therefore, I am not slurring my words or hacking up the English language by speaking it with an indecipherable accent.  Bonus for Siri; I am even an Articulate Enunciator.  (I really should add that to my Facebook profile information.)

Given all of this, "she" can still take a sentence as simple as "Please pick up a gallon of 2% milk on your way home" and translate it into "Please muck up the salon to do person melts in our gay home".   While I do rock at "Mad Gabs", the recipient of my text or email may not possess the same skill set as I.

I could go on, and no, Siri doesn't get it wrong ALL of the time I deal with her(him), but s(he)'s consistently inconsistent enough of the time to drive me nuts.  I will use this feature of my phone only when I'm feeling especially patient and calm (which is pretty much limited to the first hour after I come out of savasana at the end of a yoga practice), and the rest of the time, I will go back to my pre-Kool-Aid days of actually typing stuff out while looking it up online.  I guess it still beats the olden days of phone books and card catalogues.

Sparkly Kisses,

D