You may ask yourself why there has to be more than one part to my thoughts on Facebook. That's because I have a lot of them, and a blog entry really should be a length that is somewhere between the five paragraph essays you used to write in elementary school and the shortest book in the Bible. (Quick, name it! It's 2 John. Boo-yah! Yes, I was a regular "quiz out" in bible competitions as a kid. Believe me, this doesn't get you anything other than mocked by your "unchurched" peers.) Anyway....
Facebook creator Mark Zuckenheimerschlammer is not a friend of mine. Which should be obvious for three reasons. First, I can't ever remember his name correctly. I admit, I'm terrible with names. Anyone in my closest circle of friends can tell you that I can mess up names as simple as "Holly" and "Juan". I could also Google Mark Z's name to get it correct, but if I have to copy and paste your name into something because it's so long or so complicated I can't remember it, it's not happening.
Bravo for the world being a diverse place with John Smith living next to Adolf (insert 24 middle names) Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr. Adolf holds the world's record for longest name. And I can't get over the fact that he's a "Sr", which means he passed that name onto his kid. Jr. must have legally dumped most of it since der Vater made the Guinness book and der Sohn did not.
But I live in 'Merica, and freedom of speech gives me the right to rechristen anyone with any name I want, especially in my own blog. Trust me, I'm not naive enough to think there aren't people out there who have given me their own personalized "nickname" that I would probably prefer not be repeated in front of my children.
Reason two Mark Z isn't my friend. (Admit it, you already kinda forgot what the subject of this post was.) I am a few hundred million bucks short of sharing his expanded zip code. Enough said. Reason three is because he does not seek counsel with me over any and all things related to a person's Facebook account. Really, this is just a dumb move on his part. Why? If you're FB friends with me, you know that I am all over FB like ants on a dropped ice cream cone.
Long before I became addicted to Words with Friends (see separate blog entry), I heard about this FB thingy, had some time when the Boy Child was napping (dang, I miss the days when my kids napped), and checked it out. BAM! Instantly hooked. FB is the ideal way for Socially Awkward False-Positive Introverts (SAFPIs) like myself to interact with others. That, and blogging of course. :-)
Don't go looking in the American Psychiatric Association's upcoming DSM-5 for a description of what a SAFPI is. That's cuz I made it up. What makes me a SAFPI is that I'm really only 100% comfortable in a social situation that involves my cozy little home, my jammies, my Handsome Husband, the Girl Child and the Boy Child. Any other scenario requires a level of extroversion that takes me out of my ideal comfort zone. Sure, I have family and friends that I like to hang out with, but most of the time this takes me away from my home, requires real pants, and often the HH and/or kids aren't all there.
And when I'm at events where I know small talk and full undergarments are required, my discomfort level goes up exponentially. Unless you know me really well, you wouldn't even notice. I cover pretty well. The trick for successful conversation with most people is to fire off a few questions about what's going on in their life and get them talking. Most people love to talk about themselves, and the burden of conversation is taken off the SAFPI.
Not only that, but by asking a lot of questions, the SAFPI creates an illusion that they like to talk and are therefore, an EX-trovert. When in fact, we are really IN-troverts, hence the "false-positive introvert" diagnosis. (Yes, I know it's all really very brilliant of me. I really should charge by the hour. And obviously, being a SAFPI doesn't affect in the slightest one's ability to have an over-inflated sense of confidence.)
So I joined FB and figured out I can have a little window into peoples' lives where they tell me stuff about their lives without my having to put on pants and ask. I can also reconnect with people who knew me back in the days when I was waaaaaay backslidden and give testimony to them that Jesus truly forgives anyone of any sin, even the doozies that I committed. And no, I'm not listing what they were. If you knew me then, you know, and if you didn't, you don't need to. Instead, spend a little time watching this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLY7yI1xV-M and stop being so nosy! (See, SAFPIs, do NOT like a lot of personal questions.)
On FB, I can also (depending on one's privacy settings) cyber-stalk pretty much anyone without them knowing I viewed their profile. Two points: just because I'm no longer backslidden, it doesn't mean I'm perfect. Secondly, if you believe that "you can see who viewed your profile" spam garbage, you've got bigger issues than me stalking your FB page, I'm telling you right now.
So now that we've covered "Facebook Part 1-In the Beginning" and a whole lot of other intriguing (granted, maybe only to me) social psychological things as well, I will wrap up with the promise to bring you part two tomorrow. This is where we will get into the heart of what Mark Zuckenheimerschlammer needs to be consulting me on. Believe me, it can only serve to benefit Facebookers and social media as a whole.
In the meantime, please, try not to flood my inbox with all of your demands to know what time tomorrow I will post it. I have a very full morning planned of sitting around in my jammies and drinking coffee. I also need this time to memorize my flash card questions that I will ask the seventy-five people I will be encountering at the annual Christmas Eve family gatherings tomorrow night. And to put on an extra layer of my Rx anti-pit sweat roll on.
Sparkly Kisses,
D
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