Sorry, is my title offensive to the delicate sensibilities of some folks out there? You need something a little more watered down? (Pardon the pun.) How about excessive underarm perspiration? Forget it, that takes to long to type. Pit sweat it is.
For those of you who battle this issue, you're feeling me right now. There are other kinds of sweat that plague me as well. Boob sweat is particularly annoying. But in the interest of not turning off any male readers I might have, we'll skirt that topic. I also know that sweat in the nutty fudges area is an issue for the fellas, but we're not going there either.
Pit sweating is something both sexes can equally bond over. Now I'm not talking about underarm sweat that occurs when you're working out or standing in the direct sun on a 100 degree day. Your body needs to cool itself, so duh, you're gonna sweat everywhere. I'm talking about sweat that occurs just because. Your heart rate isn't elevated, you're not anxious, you're just moving about your day. And sweat rolls down your armpits like condensation on a steam room window pane.
If this is too much for you, we can break right here. Come back tomorrow, and I promise I'll post about something more germane to your reading flava. But I kinda have a rep for keepin' it real, so I have to talk about whatever is randomly on my mind.
*pausing to let the squeamish head to another site*
Okay, let's talk prevention. I've done a lot of research, and I've tried a lot of suggestions I've read about, so let's go through them.
1. Buying a deodorant with a higher percentage of anti-perspirant than the amount in most brands. Over the counter, this would be "Mitchum". Now I'm smelling like my dearly departed grandpa, and while I loved him to pieces, when an aspect of him is called to my mind, I don't want it to be his armpits. Moving on.
2. Drinking coffee in the morning elevates your core body temperature throughout the day and can cause excessive sweating, so stop drinking coffee. *crickets* Get real.
3. Limes have some property in their juice that prevents sweat glands from secreting, so rub a cut lime under your armpits before bed. And then what, sprinkle my pits with salt, do a tequila shot and call it a night? NEXT!
4. A prescription roll-on that you put on at bedtime. This one is the only one I've had success with. Now what they DON'T tell you beforehand is that the active ingredient in this stuff is muriatic acid. You roll it on, everything's cool for a few minutes, and then it happens. A burning and itching feeling in your delicate pit skin that feels like you are being branded like a longhorn, while simultaneously being stung by a swarm of wasps AND a school of jellyfish. Whatever you do, DON'T scratch because it makes it 20x worse. The only thing I have found that works for a little relief is hopping around my bedroom while slapping my pits. Granted, this makes me look like an insane Sioux warrior, but at this point in the evening, the only person who's going to see me is my Handsome Husband. Trust me when I tell you that this will not affect the way he views me in any negative way. In fact, he will just misinterpret my dance as some sort of a mating ritual and think he's getting lucky.
So for me, it comes down to just two choices really. Stick with remedy #4 and its side effects, or let pit sweat, along with my usual sparkles and bling, be an accessory to my outfit. I opt for the insane warrior dance. Because really, what's a little private late night hopping around the bedroom in pain when compared to being publicly known as "Sweaty Sparkle Girl". Nothing fabulous about her. "Sioux Sparkle Girl" on the other hand is kinda boss.
Sparkly Kisses,
D
No comments:
Post a Comment