If you don't play, there's probably no point in reading this post. If you do, you know that the game is to word dorks like me what the VIP room at a trendy L.A. nightclub is to Lindsay Lohan. You know you shouldn't even go there, but you have to. Once you're there, you know you should leave, but you just can't. There are all these people there who want you to throw down with them, and some of them like to talk smack, and so you just GOTTA show everyone what you're made of.
Word dorks love the puzzle section of the newspaper. We DVR Wheel of Fortune. When our kids get a placemat at a restaurant with search and finds and the like on it, we offer to "help" them, then end up giving them money for the candy machines by the restroom so we can finish it up on our own.
These days the Girl Child just asks for an extra place mat and gives it to me to do so I leave hers alone. I play it up to the hostess like I have no idea why the GC wants two, but let's humor her and give her an extra one anyway. Then I happily scamper off to our table to break open my fresh pack of crayons and get started.
So back to WWF. I am so addicted to this game, and I won't even try and deny it. I set the alarm in the morning so I have exactly five minutes to lay in bed and catch up on all my games. I play if I'm in between tasks on the computer, waiting in line at a store, at a red light, in a meeting (and can get away with playing under the table), at the doctor's office in the waiting room, in the exam room (really ladies, do you WANT to try and make small talk with the OB/GYN while you're in the stirrups?), pretty much anyplace but during church and funerals.
If you currently play me, you rock. I use the word "currently" because there are about twenty of my FB friends and countless random opponents who will no longer play me. I guess there are only so many beatdowns some wimps can take. Yes, I am ruthless, and I DO NOT cheat.
If you do play me, and you win more than 15% of the games we play, admit it, it's because I schooled you in the game. Right? RIGHT? That's what I thought. And if you do play me, and I routinely kick your Blessed Assurance, yes, I am quite capable of losing. The WWF computer from time to time thinks EIEIOOO is a good tile selection to give me and not just the chorus of "Old McDonald Had a Farm", and I get my own hind end kicked.
Oh, and hey, if we do play each other, please don't send me any of those pesky little reminders to "make my move". I spend waaaaay too much time playing this game as it is, and I don't need anyone encouraging me to play more. And while we're discussing gaming etiquette, the IM feature is to be used to discuss the game ONLY! Don't ask me about an email I sent you recently or when the next PTA meeting is, k? MUAH!
Oooooo, and don't play me if you use word helper apps. I'm onto a couple of you who already play me, and I know you use them, mmm hmmmm. ;-) So long as my word skills, strategy prowess and stubborn will to try 254 random word combos to hit that TL/TW score beat out your helper app, I will still play you, even though you're just a Big Fat Cheater. :-p And just so you know that my own house is not above reproach, my Handsome Husband is a BFC himself, and once I called him out on it, he quit playing me too. (Sorry Babe, gotta keep it real over here!)
So if you're feeling froggy and want to test your WWF skills against mine, jump on over and challenge me to a game. I won't say I'll never lose, but I will fight unto the death, and I'll never quit playing you until the inevitable day when they create a rehab for word game dorks and cart me off. Then I will leave you with a "GG" IM, XI, clear my QI and resign myself to my fate.
Sparkly Kisses,
D
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