Clarence and I go way back. Twenty years at least. Been a part of my life forever thanks to Moms, but we really didn't become BFFs until I got my first job at sixteen. Pretty much everywhere I go, Clarence is there to put a smile on my face and get my heart pumping.
Now if you haven't spent any time living in the South, you probably wouldn't say "Clarence", but instead would pronounce the name as "Clearance". And maybe you don't get as excited as I do when saying it and shorten it down. Simply put, I. Love. Me. Some. Clarence.
Now just to keep things straight, 10% off at "Anyone Who Makes < $100K/yr Can't Afford Our Stuff" doesn't rank on my bargain scale. You can keep your Nordstroms and your Pottery Barns. And even though it's more affordable than those two stores, please, DO NOT get me started on Kohl's. Okay, fine. In a nutshell...
Anyone with savvy shopper sense (read: cheapskates like me) can see that they jack up their prices so that when they give shoppers an extra 40% off their "everyday low prices", plus an extra 10% off if they use their Kohl's card, plus an extra 15% from a scratch off card, plus an extra 5% off if they go through the store singing a jingle they wrote about how much they love shopping there, the stuff adds up to exactly what it would be if I walk into one of my fave bargain stores and buy it right off the rack. Moving along.
The Clarence that I know and love is the one that has me paying somewhere between 80-90% off of the actual retail price. In my and Clarence's world, full retail is for suckers. In most stores, I don't buy anything off the regular racks and shelves but head straight for Clarence for some quality time together. One of my fave times of year to do this is after holidays.
Post-holiday, I'm usually not able to get my preferred discount rate of 80-90%, but if you wait until the seasonal merchandise hits that Clarence rate, you would be buying chocolate Easter bunnies that have turned white and Christmas ornaments with no glitter left on them. I shouldn't have to tell you how seriously I take my chocolate or my glitter.
So I suck it up and buy at half off with the rest of the shoppers as I'm using my pace cart to "accidentally" bump the carts that they leave straight up in the middle of the aisle. Rookies. What's a pace cart? Try and move around me sometime as we're both walking the main aisle of a store headed for Clarence, and you'll get schooled real quick.
I've already been out this morning and done my after Christmas shopping in a few quick stops. Among other delights, I scored a Christmas gift for my niece for next year and a Father's Day gift for the Handsome Hubby. Yes, Clarence and I are together year round while shopping for any and all occasions. The holidays and birthdays don't change from year to year, kittens.
In the interest of full disclosure, I also come home, wrap whatever I got with the appropriate paper/gift bag, record it in my gift notebook so I remember what I bought and for whom, and store them in tubs. Does that stick in your craw? Have a glass of Haterade, and we'll resolve to be friends anyway.
So if you see me out and about, and I have a glazed look about me, chances are I have either just come from being with Clarence, or we are about to spend some time with one another. And lest you think I'm selfish, I will happily make introductions, and you can even feel free to see Clarence on your own time. Just play it safe and don't ever try and come between us on mine. ;-)
Sparkly Kisses,
D
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