Generally speaking, I'm not a fan. Except for their fries. And egg nog milkshakes. And $1.99 Happy Meal Nights on Tuesdays. Because that makes it just a dumb idea to cook dinner at home when you can feed the entire family at Mickey D's cheaper than you can if you cook. Well, if the Hubby were to skip dinner. And you're willing to choke down a Happy Meal yourself and listen to your kids argue over who's going to get your toy. But I digress.
Here's what I mainly can't stand about the Home of the Golden Arches. Their drive "thru". First of all, the name itself is a complete misrepresentation of what actually goes on. You never "drive through". You drive up to the order speaker and slowly and carefully request two Happy Meals. Here's how I do it:
"I would like TWO Happy Meals. *Long Pause* The first one is chicken nuggets, *LP* NO sauce, *LP* ALL fries, NO apples, *LP* chocolate milk, *LP* and a GIRL toy.
*Extra LP*
The second one is a hamburger with MUSTARD ONLY, *LP* ALL fries, NO apples, *LP* chocolate milk, *LP* and a boy toy"
Now you can make little snarky judgments about the nutritional content of what I ordered, but a) I'm at McDonald's. If I were concerned about clearing out my kids' colons, I would make 'em a bowl of Kashi for dinner and call it done. And b) my kids have about 11% body fat between the two of them. Childhood obesity will never be an issue in our home. Moving on.
The order seems pretty simple and straight forward, right? Notsomuch. Nine times out of ten, I am handed two chocolate milks and asked to pull forward and park. Park? Wait a minute. It's the DRIVE THRU, not the Drive & Park. If that's what I were looking for, I'd go to friggin' Sonic. And I only ordered two Happy Meals, not dinner for a football team. What's the dealio?
So the passive-aggressive chick that sometimes drives my car pulls up just far enough for it to be considered "pulling up", but not far enough so that any cars behind me can get around. Why? Why would I do that? This is not my first rodeo folks. If I pull up far enough so that the drive "thru" line can keep flowing, my car becomes invisible to anyone in a McDonald's uniform, and I'm not getting our food until the Boy Child is old enough to drive us home.
If you block the drive thru, NOW you're going to see some hustle! And the hustle doesn't stop when they dash the two bags of food out to you. Here is the critical play; take only ONE bag of food from the food runner, not both. If you take both, they will dash back inside, and when you look in the bag and see that they screwed up the order (because 88.6% of the time they will), you are forced to go inside after them. By taking only one bag, you look inside, spot the mess up right away, and send food runner back inside to correct it.
Now they are moving in triple time because people behind you are becoming apoplectic and honking their horns. I just turn up the radio and start to sing along. If the kids ask why people are honking, tell them that at 6:12pm on the second Tuesday of the month, everyone is supposed to honk their car horns to simulate a traffic emergency. Then honk your own horn while talking with your kids about what you would do in the event of an actual traffic emergency. By this time, your order is fixed, and you're finally on your way.
Why do I bother? Is it really worth getting a cheap dinner for the kids and not having to cook? Yes. Because when I say that they are getting McD on any given Tuesday night, I am hailed as a hero like none other. There is jubilation in the halls of our home, and I am showered with hugs and kisses and praises of being the "best mom in the whole world".
Some moms earn this distinction because they have really done something extraordinary. My kids are easily bought, and I'm milkin' that ride for as long as I can. So I'll see you in the McD drive "thru" lane next Tuesday.
Sparkly Kisses,
D
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